Two Years of Mothering Four – A Reflection on Motherhood Through the Stages
Throwback to my baby shower, standing next to my sister and totally convinced I was having another boy. Spoiler alert: Jorie had other plans! 💕🎀
For those who don’t know, I’m a mother of four—I have two amazing stepsons and two biological children, ranging in age from 13 to 2 years old. Today, as my daughter Jorie turns two, I’m reflecting on how motherhood has evolved over the past two years and the lessons I’ve learned along the way.
Whether you’re a mom of one or six, juggling kids in different life stages, or navigating the emotions of not being able to “do it all,” I hope this post reminds you that you’re not alone.
It’s a Girl!
After having three boys, we were absolutely convinced we’d be welcoming another. It wasn’t even a possibility in our minds that I’d be saying the words, “It’s a girl!” when I gave birth to Jorie.
But there she was—our daughter, completing the vision I never knew I had for our family. Three older brothers and a little sister—it felt like something out of a storybook.
Jorie’s arrival was magical, and her birth at home was the most incredible experience. I had assumed that laboring naturally would be the most challenging part of the journey, but I quickly learned it was just the beginning.
Fresh into the world and already stealing hearts. 💕 Welcome to the chaos, baby girl!
Déjà Vu: Feeding Struggles, Round Two
Just like her brother, Jorie struggled with feeding. She had both a lip and tongue tie, making it difficult for her to transfer milk properly. I had to triple-feed her, and I feared I’d be facing the same exhausting journey I had gone through with Garon—months of stress, struggle, and feeling like I was failing at breastfeeding.
Have you ever had one of those “I can’t do this again” moments? That’s exactly where I was.
Thankfully, Jorie’s revision at two weeks old made a world of difference, and we got into a good rhythm much faster than I expected. But in those early weeks, I found myself once again in survival mode—something I know so many new moms can relate to.
The reality of early motherhood—exhausted, pumping, and hoping for just a few more drops. 💔💪 Some moments are harder than others, but we keep pushing through.
Nothing Is Going to Be the Same Again
I don’t know exactly what I expected, but I do know I underestimated just how much life would change after adding a fourth child to the mix.
When Garon was born during COVID, we had no help—we did everything on our own. It was the same with Jorie, except this time, I had the support of our amazing doula, Hailey. She came twice a week, cooked dinner, held the baby so I could take a bath, and gave me a few precious moments to breathe. I don’t know what I would have done without her. (If you’re in Minnesota and looking for a doula, I highly recommend her!)
But even with support, nothing could have prepared me for the shift. I didn’t realize how much having two little ones at home all the time would change things—or how much I would miss out on my older boys’ lives in the process.
When big brother loves you just a little too much. 😂💙 Jorie wasn’t quite ready for all that affection!
A House Divided
If you have kids with large age gaps, you might relate to this—parenting starts to feel like a divide-and-conquer operation.
With a toddler and infant at home, our family dynamic split in a way I didn’t anticipate. Dan took over everything with the older boys—sports, activities, school events—while I was at home, constantly caring for Jorie and Garon.
It was physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausting. I wasn’t getting much adult interaction, and I often felt like I was doing a huge chunk of the parenting alone.
Going along to events wasn’t an option because most things overlapped with naps. I couldn’t justify dragging a toddler and baby to sit through baseball, basketball, or concerts when I knew they’d be cranky, overstimulated, and overtired.
If you’re a mom with a baby at home, do you ever feel torn between wanting to be everywhere and knowing you just can’t? Because same.
I struggled with guilt. I missed so much of Asher and Simon’s activities. I wasn’t there for their plays, concerts, or games. And even though no one made me feel bad about it, I carried the weight of it heavily.
This is something I never really hear people talk about when it comes to large age gaps. Or maybe I was just too afraid to attempt bringing a newborn and toddler into public for fear of judgment over a “misbehaving” toddler or a crying infant.
From diapers to ‘I do’—motherhood, marriage, and all the beautiful chaos in between. 👰✨ Jorie was just 6 months old when we said yes to forever.
Who Was I?
Somewhere along the way, I lost myself. And I lost myself hard.
In an attempt to find purpose, I pulled the kids out of daycare part-time, hoping to save money and spend more time with them. It wasn’t the worst decision, but it also meant I was giving up opportunities to build something for myself.
If you’ve ever been in the thick of early motherhood and thought, “Where did I go?”—I see you.
The thought of taking both kids out alone felt terrifying. I was drowning in motherhood, and no matter how much I reached out, it felt like no one could truly save me. I had to save myself.
Four kids, one chair, and a whole lot of love (and maybe a little chaos). 💙💙💙💖 Watching their bond grow has been one of the greatest joys of motherhood.
Change Takes Time
Now, as our family navigates new changes, I feel like we’re in a much better place. I’m still often home with Jorie during naps, but we’re learning to balance things.
If you’re in a season where you feel like you’re missing out, I want to remind you: it won’t always be like this.
I’m finally able to be more present in Asher and Simon’s lives. It means a lot to me because I missed so much of their early years—first because I wasn’t allowed to be around (blended family dynamics are tough), then because of COVID, and then because of Jorie’s newborn and infant stage. I don’t want to keep missing these moments.
That said, I still struggle daily to be the mom I want to be. But I’m learning that just like my health and wellness journey, progress over perfection is key.
Big brother duties in action. 📖💖 Watching Simon read to Jorie is one of those sweet moments that makes all the chaos worth it.
Things I Have Learned in the Last Two Years
Give yourself grace (and extend it to everyone around you). Nothing ever goes the way you expect.
Be present. They don’t need 100% of you all the time, but they do deserve it some of the time.
Don’t sweat the little things. I’m so much more laid-back with the second baby than I was with the first.
Toddlers will be toddlers. It’s just part of the deal.
Take time for yourself. Whether it’s book club, a solo trip, or just a Target run alone—taking care of yourself isn’t selfish.
No one is ever going to be healthy at the same time again. Stock up on all the medicines and Kleenex, because you are going to need it!.
A little yogurt, a lot of personality. 😂🥄 Jorie’s approach to mealtime is go big or go home!
You Got This, Mama
No matter where you are in your parenting journey, you got this.
It’s hard. Some days, it doesn’t feel rewarding at all. But then you get those little moments—tiny, precious reminders of why it’s all worth it.
So if you’re feeling torn, overwhelmed, or like you’re not doing enough—just know you’re doing better than you think.
And I’d love to hear from you—how has motherhood changed for you as your family has grown? Let’s support each other in this wild ride of parenting. 💛
Xoxo,
Jessica